There are several reasons why people generally do not attend appointments. Some of those reasons are:
● Not interested in turning up
● Completely forgot about the appointment
● Self-sabotage in the way of double booking
● Being sick
● Car issues
● Lack of internet
● Changing ones mind about the need for the appointment
This is just a very small list, I'm sure many more reasons can be added to that.
Let's just look at each of these in turn.
Not interested in turning up.
This can happen if someone else made the appointment for you. People do that a lot, especially well meaning ones who think a person requires therapy. While a person may require therapy, if they don't think they do, they simply won't follow through on the appointment. Which is completely understandable. There have been appointments made for me by others that I've not turned up to. I've not wanted to go, had other things organised for that time, or just not been interested in going. I'm not going to scream and shout at you if someone else made an appointment and you don't want to be there.
I know a lady, very well meaning, who has made appointments for people to see me, then wondered when she does a follow up, why they never arrived. Here's a hint - If a person feels forced or pressured into going to a therapy appointment then one of two things will happen: 1) they wont arrive at their allotted appointment, or 2) they will turn up, but they will most likely be sullen, moody, on edge or not relaxed and wont benefit from the therapy anyway.
All I ask, if that if you are in this group, and someone makes an appointment on your behalf, and you don't see the need, please send a text message or email (details can be found in the contact section) and let me know. I appreciate the effort. And it also means that someone else who wants the appointment can have that time.
Now, before I forget, there is a group of people in this category who don't want therapy, but have to go. Those are the court mandated people. For whatever reason a judge or someone in the court system has given the order "you must attend x number of therapy sessions". Imagine, if you will, how they will feel!! Most likely not happy. Though there may be some who would attend and get something out of it, but there would be many who see no point. Sadly, for these people they cannot say "I'm not gonna go". So they either turn up and figuratively speaking 'sit in the corner', or they don't turn up. There is nothing I can do about them not turning up. I just hope that they don't blow their chance at freedom or a life if they don't.
Completely forgetting about an appointment.
Who here has done this? I'll be the first to raise my hand!! I have done that. I did not mean to, and I apologised for it. It happens. If you know that you are likely to forget, then setting a reminder on your phone (or getting a family member to remind you can help). I understand that sometimes stress can make our brains not work as well as they should, and we forget things. It's part of life. Being aware of the fact and doing something about it is the best course of action. Also sending through a quick apology goes a long way. And as a bonus, if you forget a session, you can always reschedule. And you can ask for a text or email reminder the day before. 😉 A lot of services these days come with reminders: "X, you have an appointment with ABC tomorrow at 10.30am". I have done reminders for clients in the past. It's no big issue. Please don't stress out if you forget an appointment and think that you cant come back. You can. That is why I have a reschedule option.
Self-sabotage and double booking oneself.
I knew a guy who did this. I sincerely doubt that he went out of his way to do it, but it didn't change the fact that he did. He told me he needed at least 100 hours of therapy. Never turned up. I tried 4 times before having to give up. I had to let him go. I hate doing it, because I want to see everyone have the opportunity to become healthy and whole, But I had to let him go, for my own sake.
So why do people double book over a therapy appointment? Again, there is not one simple answer. You're looking at people's emotions here, while they recognise that they need something, they may not be ready for therapy. That's OK.
Some people however, know they need the therapy, wish to appease family, yet refuse to get the help they need, and so deliberately double book. That's OK. They can play those games, it won't help them though. They will remain in their issues and not get better. Please, if you're in that group, do a little soul searching. Would it do any harm to attend therapy, see what it's like, see if it may help you feel better on the inside? At the very least, it's worth a try! You never know, you may just get some benefit out of it!
Often, self-sabotage is a subconscious thing that people do. They don't realise they are doing it. Then they realise at the time of the appointment that they did it, but still don't recognise the behaviour.
Part of self-sabotage is procrastination. People have their reasons. It's sad to see people doing it to themselves, especially when you know that you can help them change that behaviour.
It takes effort to change the behaviour. And really, who has not self-sabotaged in some way or other? I know I have! I spent several intense weeks dealing with some of my own self-sabotaging behaviour. Let me tell you, it's made a real difference to my life! Am I all done there? No, not by a long shot!
So, what happens with a person who has booked for a session and then sabotages their chances of attending? Well, in all honesty, there is nothing I can do about it. It's on that person. All I can do is offer a new time and wait and see if they arrive.I have my limits, and as such developed a policy where I will only do this 3 times. Then I have to let the person go. (Letting them go is gutting for me, because I know I can help them.) I have to let them go because I don't know what is going on for them, and holding onto them, or applying pressure to them to attend is only going to make them feel worse. I have to ask myself: Are they simply not interested? Did they just forget? Are they not yet ready to engage in therapy? I'm not a mind reader, I'm also not a heart reader. I do not know what is going on in a person. I can get a fairly good handle on what is going on if they come and talk, but they need to come, and I cant force that. I WONT force that! Therapy doesn't work if a person feels forced.
Self-sabotage is a big issue for a lot of people, it's partly why Sanctuary Counselling and Consultancy exists. To help those in that situation. If they don't turn up, then it is not me who misses out... well, actually in a way I do. I miss out on meeting a potentially wonderful person. But that is beside the point. They miss out on the opportunity for change. But again, I wont push them.
I mentioned earlier that self-sabotage is a game that people play. And it is. It is a self-destructive game that in the end will only cause them pain. I think of another man I know, who seriously self-sabotages, practices procrastination (he's now, pretty much, an expert level procrastinator), and what has it gotten him? His grandchildren want nothing to do with him! This is a sad state to be in. And I wish that he would open his eyes and see where his behaviour has gotten him. Yet he refuses.
There is no condemnation, if a person doesn't turn up to an appointment, I cannot make them. I cannot force them. It's their choice. Simple. However, if they wish to change, and they make the effort to arrive, then something can be done to set them on the path to freedom from this self-destructive behaviour.
There is hope for people who self-sabotage. Change is possible. Yes, it is hard work. But change is possible. I know, I've worked on the area in my own life. I assure you, change is possible. And it is more than just wanting it. The effort needs to put in.
Being sick 🤮.
Yes, nobody wants your germs. If you're sick, please make contact and reschedule your appointment. There have been a few times when I've had to reschedule appointments with clients because I've been sick. It's not fun. Nobody likes being sick. But it happens. When you're healthy and feeling better, then you can come and chat. And no, I do not recommend phone appointments or online appointments while you're sick. Why? Because you really need to be resting and getting better, not digging through emotional stuff. Leave the therapy until your bug has packed up and left. Ask yourself, what kind of head space are you in when you have a dose of the flu, a running nose and are coughing? I know that when I'm like that, all I wanna do is sleep.
Car issues.
OK, I get it, cars can be temperamental at times. I understand. Again, the option to reschedule is there. And please, take your car to a mechanic. They need as much care as their human owners do.
Lack of internet.
This would only affect those having sessions over Skype, Discord or Zoom. Yes, those are options... Decent internet is a bit of an issue in some places. Sending a quick message stating the problem is appreciated and a phone call can be made to touch base. Again, rescheduling is an option, changing format to face to face or phone is also an option. Therapy is somewhat flexible, to a point.
Changing ones mind about the need for the appointment
This happens a lot. A person, in the heat of the moment, picks up the phone, and makes an appointment. All good! But then, because there are times when the appointment is for the next day or a few days time, they have the chance to change their mind. They tell themselves "I overreacted, I don't actually need to go". Yeah, OK! You can play that game if you wish. You will not get the help you seem to have thought you needed. I've had a couple of people do this. And I can hear in their voice very clear distress, so I make an appointment for them. In those cases I try to fit them is sometime the following day. Sometimes that is not possible. I can only do so much! But they change their mind.Why? How on earth do I know? I've already stated that I'm not a mind reader!! Often, I never hear back from these ones! Never. So sad. I wish they would. At least say, no, I've changed my mind! I'm not going to try and twist your arm, I'm not going to beg, or plead, or harass you. Why? Well, there's no point in doing that! If you've changed your mind then you've changed your mind. You're using your autonomy to make a decision for yourself, good or bad, you've done it! Good on you for using your autonomy and making a decision, so many people suffer with indecision!
One that I thought of, but didn't add to the list was not answering the phone for a phone appointment. Yes, phone appointments are an option you can choose. Now, because I've had several people not answer their phones, I had to make a policy on the issue. That is, I call three times about 5 minutes apart. The last time, I will leave a message, if there is an option to do so. Then it is up to the person to make contact. If they do not, then again, that is their choice.
Remember, not making a choice, is still making a choice. You are simply choosing to do nothing!
Now, my apologies if I bored you to sleep. I have made the attempt to cover what happens if a person fails to turn up to an appointment and what I will do. In general, I cannot give any consequences. I simply have to let a person go.
Remember, if you decide that you would like to have a chat with me, you can jump over to my contact page here to contact me, or hop into my Discord server. Take your pick, really. It's all up to you.
Thank you for sticking with me to the end!
Have a blessed day.
