It’s been a rather long and drawn out journey…

What a journey I’ve had so far.  I started Sanctuary Counselling and aimed to get it going with the Help of the NEIS program… that was a great idea!  October 2017 was the formal start to Sanctuary Counselling and Consultancy… but my journey started a bit before then… because that’s when crap happened…

My husband and I went to a fertility clinic to see if they could help us have another child (I believe my second child was 9 at the time) … they requested some info and crap was found!  I say crap – it was actually cancer… yay!  Thankfully the non-active kind, though with the potential to become the very aggressive kind!  As is understandable, this sent me off in a tail spin.  Stress and anxiety lead to depression and fatigue.  I hated the wait and see form of treatment, and after 2 rounds of surgery I decided to take things into my hands.  Diet and weight loss and stress reduction – it all goes really well when you’re still struggling with depression and fatigue!

January 2018 started off with a bang – a not good bang.  I had suspected for a couple of days that I might have been pregnant, then sure enough, my body confirmed that for me with a miscarriage.  Because it wasn’t formally diagnosed, the doctors doubted that it happened!  They still do doubt!

In all this I was studying – still am!!

There were other things going on too, like my father who was a huge stress… Something had to give, and by the time trimester 2 started, the signs of stress and fatigue were beginning to show.  Eventually I quit NEIS due to health issues.  I couldn’t keep up with the demands of study, the need to rest, the demands of starting a business and the demands of NEIS.  My kicking of NEIS to the curb caused other stress!  That wasn’t a well thought out decision.

Sanctuary Counselling and Consultancy was put on the back burner, and with good reason.  I didn’t have the strength I needed to deal with other people, I could hardly deal with myself!

I whittled my support group down to a very small handful of trusted and understanding people!  Basically 5 people!  That’s not really enough, but it’s what I did.  My self-care (which I talk about a lot) went out the window!  It seems to be the first thing that goes when you feel like your life has been blown to pieces.  I had to be reminded to eat.  Weight loss was easy – too easy!  15 kilos in a few short months.  Not the best way to do that! 

Somewhere along the line I decided that 2019 was going to be a better year!  And so far, it kinda has been, though not without stress, pain (physical and emotional), depression, anxiety and fatigue.

My self-care has slowly made a comeback.  Let me just say, when you go through crap, and your self-care departs for the hills, it is really, really hard to get it back.  But it is insanely important that before you undertake anything, you get it back on track!  It makes recovery that much easier!  Self-care is about doing things that help you, not hinder you…

Self-care tip - surround yourself with inspiring music!  Music that lifts your spirits and mood!

Self-care tip - pain... Whether physical, mental or emotional... It's there for a reason.  Listen to what your body, heart and mind are saying.  Is there pain because something is wrong?  If so, seek help.  Is there pain because you've had the help and now you are in the process of healing and recovery?  If so, rest, recover.  Don't force yourself to do more than you should!  Ensure you've got plenty of support.  That is people who hear you and understand.

Self-care tip - do one thing a day that you enjoy, that brings you pleasure and makes you happy.  Don't overdo it though, because all things, if done too much, can be bad for your health and well-being.

After starting to feel better, I found that I was pregnant… Yay!!! This was an exciting time!  I was pregnant, the Drs knew about it and all was looking good!  I actually felt happy.  I had some energy, but not much more than usual.  I began sorting clothes and getting prepared for a new little one…

Then the bleeding started followed by the pain… I got my husband to take me to the emergency department at the hospital where I waited for news about my child.  The news was not good.  Possible ectopic pregnancy.  I was staring down the barrel of yet another miscarriage.  My husband freaked, thinking this would break me for sure.  This along with everything else…  But I had hope.  Well documented hope… and the doctors couldn’t deny this one!

That was a bit over a week ago now!  I didn’t have baby #5 for long.  But I knew it was there.  And what has happened since?

Well, that’s just the weird thing.  My self-care has mostly come back.  It still needs some work.  My energy levels have stabilised, could do with more, but I’ll work with what I’ve got!  My study is coming along – I’ve had to reduce my load, but that’s understandable… I’ve done what is necessary for my recovery.  And that is what I will be telling all my future clients…

Do what is necessary for your own well-being!  Don’t jump through the hoops others put up for you. It will only wear you out!  Do the self-care things.  Rest.  Relax.  Recover.

Healing actually takes time.  It’s not wise to push things to go faster than they will.  It leads to frustration and as I personally found… frustration leads to stress.  Stress leads to anxiety and anxiety leads to depression and depression, if left long enough can potentially lead to death.  Your life, my life, is worth more than that!

Recovery is possible.  It requires time, patience, hope, understanding, rest, a little hard work, more rest, help, support, more support, learning, and more rest.  Recovery is a process that you actually have to work at.  It doesn’t just happen.  A flat tire wont pump itself up or mend itself.  A broken or squeaky hinge won’t automatically repair itself.  Recovery requires you to do something.  A little bit of something each day.  For some, that will just be getting out of bed to begin with.

If I didn’t keep studying, I think I’d be in a worse position than I was.  Because study forced me to wake up and get out of bed.

I know my journey isn’t over and I still have a long way to go, but I’m getting there, and that’s good enough!