Christmas is just around the corner, and for many this is a good thing. But for many it isn't.
For many, Christmas and other holiday times are pure agony. They are the reminder that there just isn't enough money to go around and so Christmas is going to be sparse, again. Or it's a reminder that a loved one wont be in the family due to death or divorce or some other reason. For some it was a time when they couldn't escape the abuse at home and so instead of being fun Christmas and other holidays are times of emotional and physical pain and suffering.
There are so many people out there that suffer. So please, spare a thought to those who do suffer in silence, and often a hug and a listening ear can go a long way to easing the pain. There are some smiles that are out there that are only just covering the pain.
When you're out doing your Christmas shopping, slow down, take a look around you, life, for many is not all smiles and laughter!
For those of you suffering, remember there is help ... all you need to do is ask.
Monday, 11 December 2017
Tuesday, 24 October 2017
Progress...
Today I feel good! I've made progress! It's amazing how completing something makes me feel good, happy, excited and energetic. I do have to be careful because this can lead to me overdoing things and becoming exhausted!
Progress is a good thing, when it's linked to goals!
Completing goals is a huge boost to your wellbeing!
I keep thinking about a gentleman that I know. He has dreams. But he has no goals on making those dreams a reality, so sooner or later his depression is going to hit him again, because of regrets. Regrets have a nasty habit of ushering in depression. I am saddened by this mans current outlook on life. It could be so much better for him.
I have found that having reminders in my calendar helps me so much, because then I can click done and at the end of the day my calendar says that I've completed however many reminders! That is a good feeling!
Procrastination, I have found also seems to lead to regrets and depression! "Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow!" isn't exactly the way to do things!
Often times life is living on a knife edge. It's a delicate balance! I know that I could so easily slip into depression, which leads (for me) to procrastination, regrets, more depression and then suicide ideation. Not a nice path. This is why I celebrate my small successes and my progress! Because I am recognising that I am moving towards my long held dream and slowly making it reality!
What about you? DO you have a long held dream that you'd like to make into a reality? If you need help doing this then I suggest you stop by here and make an appointment to see me!
Progress is a good thing, when it's linked to goals!
Completing goals is a huge boost to your wellbeing!
I keep thinking about a gentleman that I know. He has dreams. But he has no goals on making those dreams a reality, so sooner or later his depression is going to hit him again, because of regrets. Regrets have a nasty habit of ushering in depression. I am saddened by this mans current outlook on life. It could be so much better for him.
I have found that having reminders in my calendar helps me so much, because then I can click done and at the end of the day my calendar says that I've completed however many reminders! That is a good feeling!
Procrastination, I have found also seems to lead to regrets and depression! "Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow!" isn't exactly the way to do things!
Often times life is living on a knife edge. It's a delicate balance! I know that I could so easily slip into depression, which leads (for me) to procrastination, regrets, more depression and then suicide ideation. Not a nice path. This is why I celebrate my small successes and my progress! Because I am recognising that I am moving towards my long held dream and slowly making it reality!
What about you? DO you have a long held dream that you'd like to make into a reality? If you need help doing this then I suggest you stop by here and make an appointment to see me!
Saturday, 21 October 2017
The Last Few Months... STRESS!!!!
What a challenge these last few months have been. I've been stressed out of my skull! (Yes, even counsellors get stressed out!!)
I've had my father move in, started a Micro Business Management course, registered my business name (now Sanctuary Counselling is formally known as Sanctuary Counselling and Consultancy), registered a domain name, set up a client booking thing, filled in an application to go to Uni, re-written my business plan for the umpteenth time, helped (in an ongoing manner) an organisation get itself started, being a PA for another lady, and decided that weight loss is a good idea!
When it's all written down like that it doesn't sound like much, but my father has been one stress after another!
Getting my business name was a stressful day - I originally just wanted Sanctuary Counseling, but that was taken. The consultancy part is something I wanted to add in a few years time! But, it seems that plans change! I still cant believe that it took half a day to get it sorted out!
My domain name was a near crisis too, that is if it wasn't for Ferdi at HostPapa! I'm not even looking at building my website just yet! I'm still yet to work out how to get and email address sorted!
My client booking thing has taken several days and several headaches to get my head around!
In all of this I began to wonder what I was doing! Where did my self care go and why was I so stressed? At my course, we talked about stress and I had the opportunity to speak about the physiological issues it causes, elevated heart rate and blood pressure, stress hormones that are just down right nasty, among other things, we talked about recognising the signs and symptoms of stress, managing stress and different techniques that one can use to manage and reduce stress... Yet, here I was in the midst of all that I was doing feeling and ignoring the very things I myself had spoken about!
Ok, it's time for a change...
So, myself and two other board members of GINC Inc. have made a contract. An Exercise and Lifestyle Wellbeing Contract! It's a doozy! But we decided to do it because some of us what to loose weight, save money, reduce smoking, and a few other things!
When we prove to ourselves that it is doable (which I believe it is), then it will be on offer when Sanctuary Counselling and Consultancy and GINC Inc. begin our Women's Empowerment Group in January!
I'm looking at what we have to do to get that organised, and my first thought was "more stress"!!
However, I have a plan to tackle my stress! I've been spending the last few days rewriting it!
And that's the point. When life gets too much, one has to take a step back and have a good look at why you're stressed.
Did I take on too much? No, I just wasn't fully prepared for it! And it's not too late to re-evaluate our lives! Taking one day at a time helps too!
When I asked myself why I was stressed out of my skull, (elevated heart rate, higher than usual blood pressure, sleepless nights, added anxiety, irritability...) I discovered that it was due to neglecting my self-care plan! (That was "smart"!)
I am pleased to report that I'm getting back on track, and I've been to see my doctor, who is also supporting the changes I've made, after readjusting my self-care plan!
It can be done. Stress can be reduced.
If you need help reducing your stress levels, please click here to make a booking to see me! :)
I've had my father move in, started a Micro Business Management course, registered my business name (now Sanctuary Counselling is formally known as Sanctuary Counselling and Consultancy), registered a domain name, set up a client booking thing, filled in an application to go to Uni, re-written my business plan for the umpteenth time, helped (in an ongoing manner) an organisation get itself started, being a PA for another lady, and decided that weight loss is a good idea!
When it's all written down like that it doesn't sound like much, but my father has been one stress after another!
Getting my business name was a stressful day - I originally just wanted Sanctuary Counseling, but that was taken. The consultancy part is something I wanted to add in a few years time! But, it seems that plans change! I still cant believe that it took half a day to get it sorted out!
My domain name was a near crisis too, that is if it wasn't for Ferdi at HostPapa! I'm not even looking at building my website just yet! I'm still yet to work out how to get and email address sorted!
My client booking thing has taken several days and several headaches to get my head around!
In all of this I began to wonder what I was doing! Where did my self care go and why was I so stressed? At my course, we talked about stress and I had the opportunity to speak about the physiological issues it causes, elevated heart rate and blood pressure, stress hormones that are just down right nasty, among other things, we talked about recognising the signs and symptoms of stress, managing stress and different techniques that one can use to manage and reduce stress... Yet, here I was in the midst of all that I was doing feeling and ignoring the very things I myself had spoken about!
Ok, it's time for a change...
So, myself and two other board members of GINC Inc. have made a contract. An Exercise and Lifestyle Wellbeing Contract! It's a doozy! But we decided to do it because some of us what to loose weight, save money, reduce smoking, and a few other things!
When we prove to ourselves that it is doable (which I believe it is), then it will be on offer when Sanctuary Counselling and Consultancy and GINC Inc. begin our Women's Empowerment Group in January!
I'm looking at what we have to do to get that organised, and my first thought was "more stress"!!
However, I have a plan to tackle my stress! I've been spending the last few days rewriting it!
And that's the point. When life gets too much, one has to take a step back and have a good look at why you're stressed.
Did I take on too much? No, I just wasn't fully prepared for it! And it's not too late to re-evaluate our lives! Taking one day at a time helps too!
When I asked myself why I was stressed out of my skull, (elevated heart rate, higher than usual blood pressure, sleepless nights, added anxiety, irritability...) I discovered that it was due to neglecting my self-care plan! (That was "smart"!)
I am pleased to report that I'm getting back on track, and I've been to see my doctor, who is also supporting the changes I've made, after readjusting my self-care plan!
It can be done. Stress can be reduced.
If you need help reducing your stress levels, please click here to make a booking to see me! :)
Sunday, 26 February 2017
A loss is a loss, not matter how small.
Grief and loss are like a storm battering a tiny island in an otherwise peaceful ocean; one wave after another crash in causing pain and wreaking havoc. At some points the various emotions (anger, fear, anxiety, sadness, pain, hope and many others) crash, sometimes all at the same time. And you, the island, feel like you are gong to get swamped and washed to the bottom of the ocean, never to see the light of day again.
For some the depression clouds roll in and never seem to leave again. For others those clouds come and go.
The intensity of the storm depends on what was lost and who the person is. The death of a family cat can be as devastating as the loss of a job, which can be as devastating as the death of a child. Whilst one person can shrug off the loss of a job, another person will sink beneath the crashing waves of the storm. And it’s not a matter of one is stronger than the other. Loss is far more complicated than that!
I might be ok at loosing a couple of dollars, however at the death of my cat I felt the depression rolling in again. For me, the death of my beloved Razine Kasheikh was almost as intense as the miscarriage I had 10 days after my middle child's first birthday. And these are things that still blindside me at the most unexpected and occasionally inconvenient of times.
I don’t think that any loss is worse than another; who are we to tell someone else “my loss is bigger and more painful than yours!”?? The person who spent years working towards their dream job, then having an accident or illness take that away from them is going to have as many intense moments as a person who lost a husband to cancer!
My family, we play a computer game together, and my middle child had a couple of pets, and two of them mysteriously disappeared. It happens, and as an adult I can accept that and move on relatively quickly. But my daughter, she was devastated. She was just as upset over a couple of digital pets, as she was over two of her guppies that recently died.
I think that the loss of something is relative to the emotional investment into what it was that was lost. So, yes, one person can shrug off a job loss, whilst another person can not.
What happens to the children of divorced parents who constantly go back and forth between parents? They are constantly in a state of grieving.
Before my firstborn was born, I had a moment of grieving at the “loss” of her father. Granted, I was the one who ended the relationship, as I didn’t want a drug addicted alcoholic with a series of other issues around my child, especially after he tried to kill her whilst I was still pregnant with her. But I grieved. I grieved the loss that my daughter would grow up without a father, she would have uncles and grandfathers, but a girl really needs a daddy. And I grieved her loss, knowing that at some point she too would have to grieve that loss for herself. Sadly she never got to that point…
At some point everyone will grieve over something, and that something will not be trivial to them. Some will take a few days to “get over” some will take a lifetime and even that length of time is not enough. Big or small grief is grief. Loss is loss.
Sitting with a grieving person and letting them tell you their story (even if you’ve heard it a dozen times today) will help them move through the pain and eventually come out the other end. People in grief (especially early on) will often be in a fog, they may not realise that they are telling you their story again, don’t tell them, just zip your lip and listen to them.
When my firstborn died, I had two groups of people that “supported” me. Some actually did, they sat with me, interpreted my nonsense into English, they let me cry, they let me speak, and they kept a steady supply of tissues to keep my snot and tears at bay! The other group stuck me on a prescribed grief schedule, “it is now your time to get angry, go on, yell at me!”, “it’s been 6 weeks, don’t you think you should be happy now?”! 6 weeks of grieving doesn’t equate to the death of a 2 year old!
Then there’s the ones that say “it was only (you fill in the blank) why are you so upset?” And that blank could be a job, a pet, some money, a toy, a pet on a computer game, or something else!
If a person is grieving, support them, don’t squish them or shush them, don’t tell them to get over it already. It meant more to them then it did to you. Zip the lip; give them a piece of chocolate and a hug and make sure you have a steady supply of tissues!
For some the depression clouds roll in and never seem to leave again. For others those clouds come and go.
The intensity of the storm depends on what was lost and who the person is. The death of a family cat can be as devastating as the loss of a job, which can be as devastating as the death of a child. Whilst one person can shrug off the loss of a job, another person will sink beneath the crashing waves of the storm. And it’s not a matter of one is stronger than the other. Loss is far more complicated than that!
I might be ok at loosing a couple of dollars, however at the death of my cat I felt the depression rolling in again. For me, the death of my beloved Razine Kasheikh was almost as intense as the miscarriage I had 10 days after my middle child's first birthday. And these are things that still blindside me at the most unexpected and occasionally inconvenient of times.
I don’t think that any loss is worse than another; who are we to tell someone else “my loss is bigger and more painful than yours!”?? The person who spent years working towards their dream job, then having an accident or illness take that away from them is going to have as many intense moments as a person who lost a husband to cancer!
My family, we play a computer game together, and my middle child had a couple of pets, and two of them mysteriously disappeared. It happens, and as an adult I can accept that and move on relatively quickly. But my daughter, she was devastated. She was just as upset over a couple of digital pets, as she was over two of her guppies that recently died.
I think that the loss of something is relative to the emotional investment into what it was that was lost. So, yes, one person can shrug off a job loss, whilst another person can not.
What happens to the children of divorced parents who constantly go back and forth between parents? They are constantly in a state of grieving.
Before my firstborn was born, I had a moment of grieving at the “loss” of her father. Granted, I was the one who ended the relationship, as I didn’t want a drug addicted alcoholic with a series of other issues around my child, especially after he tried to kill her whilst I was still pregnant with her. But I grieved. I grieved the loss that my daughter would grow up without a father, she would have uncles and grandfathers, but a girl really needs a daddy. And I grieved her loss, knowing that at some point she too would have to grieve that loss for herself. Sadly she never got to that point…
At some point everyone will grieve over something, and that something will not be trivial to them. Some will take a few days to “get over” some will take a lifetime and even that length of time is not enough. Big or small grief is grief. Loss is loss.
Sitting with a grieving person and letting them tell you their story (even if you’ve heard it a dozen times today) will help them move through the pain and eventually come out the other end. People in grief (especially early on) will often be in a fog, they may not realise that they are telling you their story again, don’t tell them, just zip your lip and listen to them.
When my firstborn died, I had two groups of people that “supported” me. Some actually did, they sat with me, interpreted my nonsense into English, they let me cry, they let me speak, and they kept a steady supply of tissues to keep my snot and tears at bay! The other group stuck me on a prescribed grief schedule, “it is now your time to get angry, go on, yell at me!”, “it’s been 6 weeks, don’t you think you should be happy now?”! 6 weeks of grieving doesn’t equate to the death of a 2 year old!
Then there’s the ones that say “it was only (you fill in the blank) why are you so upset?” And that blank could be a job, a pet, some money, a toy, a pet on a computer game, or something else!
If a person is grieving, support them, don’t squish them or shush them, don’t tell them to get over it already. It meant more to them then it did to you. Zip the lip; give them a piece of chocolate and a hug and make sure you have a steady supply of tissues!
Tuesday, 14 February 2017
Do you want to get well?
…One man there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. Jesus saw him lying there and realised he had already been there a long time. “Do you want to get well?” He asked.“Sir,”
replied the sick man, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the
water is stirred. While I am on my way, someone else goes in before
me.”…
The question of "do you want to get well" is often laughed at - who wouldn't want to get well?
But it is a little more complex than that.
This question could be asked "are you ready to give up your payoffs, balance mechanisms and risk change or even criticism from your family or friends in order to get well?".
What's the mans answer? "I have no one to help me!" Why wasn't his answer "yes"? Why isn't our answer "yes"? Is it because we want to maintain the status quo in our family and getting well would upset the apple cart, throw things out of balance, cause too much pain or disturbance? Are we afraid that it will bring more harm that would outweigh any good that may come of it?
Reading further on the story, the man did get healed, but that caused all kinds of trouble!
The point I'm making here is that we need to be certain that we want to change, and have sufficiently braced ourselves for the onslaught that may come.
For me, I've been making changes in my life, yet, when I spend time with my mother, she expects me to be and behave how I used to. And because I am learning how to be me, not my mothers clone, it causes issues. One of those is that she then refuses to speak to me for months at a time. This is just one consequence of me wanting to be me, a better, nicer, less abrupt, calmer person.
I read this statement somewhere - reasons make a man seem reasonable, yet keep him locked in unreasonable (and may I add, dysfunctional and possibly destructive) behaviour.
Yes, it is downright scary to look honestly at your life and decide that it needs to change. And it is hard work to embark on the road to change. You may not have any supporters either. Don't let these things stop you.
If you want to find the real you, learn to be relaxed in your skin and be friends with the one in your skull, then I highly recommend walking the hard path of change... If you want help and guidance then I can possibly help you, or at least point you in the right direction!
So, do you want to get well?
The question of "do you want to get well" is often laughed at - who wouldn't want to get well?
But it is a little more complex than that.
This question could be asked "are you ready to give up your payoffs, balance mechanisms and risk change or even criticism from your family or friends in order to get well?".
What's the mans answer? "I have no one to help me!" Why wasn't his answer "yes"? Why isn't our answer "yes"? Is it because we want to maintain the status quo in our family and getting well would upset the apple cart, throw things out of balance, cause too much pain or disturbance? Are we afraid that it will bring more harm that would outweigh any good that may come of it?
Reading further on the story, the man did get healed, but that caused all kinds of trouble!
The point I'm making here is that we need to be certain that we want to change, and have sufficiently braced ourselves for the onslaught that may come.
For me, I've been making changes in my life, yet, when I spend time with my mother, she expects me to be and behave how I used to. And because I am learning how to be me, not my mothers clone, it causes issues. One of those is that she then refuses to speak to me for months at a time. This is just one consequence of me wanting to be me, a better, nicer, less abrupt, calmer person.
I read this statement somewhere - reasons make a man seem reasonable, yet keep him locked in unreasonable (and may I add, dysfunctional and possibly destructive) behaviour.
Yes, it is downright scary to look honestly at your life and decide that it needs to change. And it is hard work to embark on the road to change. You may not have any supporters either. Don't let these things stop you.
If you want to find the real you, learn to be relaxed in your skin and be friends with the one in your skull, then I highly recommend walking the hard path of change... If you want help and guidance then I can possibly help you, or at least point you in the right direction!
So, do you want to get well?
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