It’s been a rather long and drawn out journey…

What a journey I’ve had so far.  I started Sanctuary Counselling and aimed to get it going with the Help of the NEIS program… that was a great idea!  October 2017 was the formal start to Sanctuary Counselling and Consultancy… but my journey started a bit before then… because that’s when crap happened…

My husband and I went to a fertility clinic to see if they could help us have another child (I believe my second child was 9 at the time) … they requested some info and crap was found!  I say crap – it was actually cancer… yay!  Thankfully the non-active kind, though with the potential to become the very aggressive kind!  As is understandable, this sent me off in a tail spin.  Stress and anxiety lead to depression and fatigue.  I hated the wait and see form of treatment, and after 2 rounds of surgery I decided to take things into my hands.  Diet and weight loss and stress reduction – it all goes really well when you’re still struggling with depression and fatigue!

January 2018 started off with a bang – a not good bang.  I had suspected for a couple of days that I might have been pregnant, then sure enough, my body confirmed that for me with a miscarriage.  Because it wasn’t formally diagnosed, the doctors doubted that it happened!  They still do doubt!

In all this I was studying – still am!!

There were other things going on too, like my father who was a huge stress… Something had to give, and by the time trimester 2 started, the signs of stress and fatigue were beginning to show.  Eventually I quit NEIS due to health issues.  I couldn’t keep up with the demands of study, the need to rest, the demands of starting a business and the demands of NEIS.  My kicking of NEIS to the curb caused other stress!  That wasn’t a well thought out decision.

Sanctuary Counselling and Consultancy was put on the back burner, and with good reason.  I didn’t have the strength I needed to deal with other people, I could hardly deal with myself!

I whittled my support group down to a very small handful of trusted and understanding people!  Basically 5 people!  That’s not really enough, but it’s what I did.  My self-care (which I talk about a lot) went out the window!  It seems to be the first thing that goes when you feel like your life has been blown to pieces.  I had to be reminded to eat.  Weight loss was easy – too easy!  15 kilos in a few short months.  Not the best way to do that! 

Somewhere along the line I decided that 2019 was going to be a better year!  And so far, it kinda has been, though not without stress, pain (physical and emotional), depression, anxiety and fatigue.

My self-care has slowly made a comeback.  Let me just say, when you go through crap, and your self-care departs for the hills, it is really, really hard to get it back.  But it is insanely important that before you undertake anything, you get it back on track!  It makes recovery that much easier!  Self-care is about doing things that help you, not hinder you…

Self-care tip - surround yourself with inspiring music!  Music that lifts your spirits and mood!

Self-care tip - pain... Whether physical, mental or emotional... It's there for a reason.  Listen to what your body, heart and mind are saying.  Is there pain because something is wrong?  If so, seek help.  Is there pain because you've had the help and now you are in the process of healing and recovery?  If so, rest, recover.  Don't force yourself to do more than you should!  Ensure you've got plenty of support.  That is people who hear you and understand.

Self-care tip - do one thing a day that you enjoy, that brings you pleasure and makes you happy.  Don't overdo it though, because all things, if done too much, can be bad for your health and well-being.

After starting to feel better, I found that I was pregnant… Yay!!! This was an exciting time!  I was pregnant, the Drs knew about it and all was looking good!  I actually felt happy.  I had some energy, but not much more than usual.  I began sorting clothes and getting prepared for a new little one…

Then the bleeding started followed by the pain… I got my husband to take me to the emergency department at the hospital where I waited for news about my child.  The news was not good.  Possible ectopic pregnancy.  I was staring down the barrel of yet another miscarriage.  My husband freaked, thinking this would break me for sure.  This along with everything else…  But I had hope.  Well documented hope… and the doctors couldn’t deny this one!

That was a bit over a week ago now!  I didn’t have baby #5 for long.  But I knew it was there.  And what has happened since?

Well, that’s just the weird thing.  My self-care has mostly come back.  It still needs some work.  My energy levels have stabilised, could do with more, but I’ll work with what I’ve got!  My study is coming along – I’ve had to reduce my load, but that’s understandable… I’ve done what is necessary for my recovery.  And that is what I will be telling all my future clients…

Do what is necessary for your own well-being!  Don’t jump through the hoops others put up for you. It will only wear you out!  Do the self-care things.  Rest.  Relax.  Recover.

Healing actually takes time.  It’s not wise to push things to go faster than they will.  It leads to frustration and as I personally found… frustration leads to stress.  Stress leads to anxiety and anxiety leads to depression and depression, if left long enough can potentially lead to death.  Your life, my life, is worth more than that!

Recovery is possible.  It requires time, patience, hope, understanding, rest, a little hard work, more rest, help, support, more support, learning, and more rest.  Recovery is a process that you actually have to work at.  It doesn’t just happen.  A flat tire wont pump itself up or mend itself.  A broken or squeaky hinge won’t automatically repair itself.  Recovery requires you to do something.  A little bit of something each day.  For some, that will just be getting out of bed to begin with.

If I didn’t keep studying, I think I’d be in a worse position than I was.  Because study forced me to wake up and get out of bed.

I know my journey isn’t over and I still have a long way to go, but I’m getting there, and that’s good enough!

Procrastination

I've been doing some research on procrastination, and I can't tell you how many websites I found that will tell people how to "cure" their procrastination. I wish it was that simple. But it's not.

It is far more than get a diary, make a "to do" list and just do it! If that was the answer to this problem then there would be a lot more constructive people and a lot less frustrated people in the world!

It has been my experience that there is a number of issues at play in the life of the person who procrastinates!!

Let me just stop here a second. There is a lot of websites where the person who procrastinates is called a procrastinator. I find that very unhelpful and in some cases down-right hurtful. Is labelling a person going to help them? I doubt it!

Is procrastination a condition? I don't think so, if it was, wouldn't that make it easier to treat? You go to your doctor and explain that you think you may be suffering a case of procrastination and they ask a few questions then write you out a script telling you to take two tablets twice daily and after a week your symptoms should be gone and you'll be back to your productive self again! It sounds a little far fetched!

My thoughts on the subject...

I believe that there are many reasons why people procrastinate:
1. They believe that they have plenty of time to get the task done, so they can continue doing whatever it is they are doing.
2. They don't enjoy the task or don't see the point of the task.
3. They simply can't be bothered doing the task that needs to be done.

But what about the person who puts off doing something because they are afraid?

What if the person has put off doing something because they feel inadequate, or incompetent?

If solving the problem was as simple as making a list and doing everything on that list then procrastination wouldn't exist.

I have a thought about why people procrastinate. That is that there is some underlying issue going on.

Ok, some procrastinate because it is a habit they have formed, and others have enabled that habit, and now it rules their lives. Others procrastinate because "it's better than doing the task". Others simply can't be bothered, so vegging out will take place over the completing of the task.

But when you look honestly at these - you'll see clearly that they are all excuses. "I did this instead of doing that because I don't like that" is an excuse.

If only ditching the excuses was easy and solved every case of procrastination.

Ditching the excuses requires honesty, brutal honesty. It also requires extremely hard work, persistence, tenacity, determination, a touch of stubbornness, and perseverance.

Feeling inadequate or incompetent are a little harder to deal with. Inadequacy has to do with your self-worth and your identity and dealing with this may require help. Feeling incompetent may require some encouragement or education. Simply learning how to do a task will make doing it much easier. Having some help with the task will also make it much easier. Being brave enough to say you need help is going to be your biggest hurdle there.

What if the procrastination is due to an underlying medical, emotional or mental health issue? To deal with the procrastination these issues will need to be dealt with.

Let's go back for a second to the belief that there is still enough time to get the task done... This one is interesting. It involves the person lying to themselves. They are lying because they believe that the added stress of getting the task done at the last minute will help them. But stress causes its own issues.

Part of the procrastination issue is an underlying belief that the task isn't worth the time or effort it requires, or that it simply doesn't have a high enough priority.

It's interesting to hear people's reasons for not getting something done."I forgot". "I was too busy". "It wasn't possible to do it in the timeframe given"."My dog ate my homework"!

How many of those excuses seem legitimate? Yet how many of them allow a person to procrastinate? And how many of them state that the task at hand didn't have a high priority for to task doer?

My conclusion that I came to in dealing with procrastination was that you need to not give a diary or "to do" list to a person, but rather, look at the underlying excuses and priorities of the person. Assess the situation and see if there is anything they need help with, are there any mental health or physical health issues that need to be sorted? And lastly, does the person see the need for the task in the first place?

I procrastinated on doing my homework in high-school because I didn't see the point of doing it! (I still don't see the point of homework for school students.)

Some websites that I have looked at (and here I wish I had kept track of them all) have said that they think that procrastination is a mental health issue. I sort of agree, in that for some it is the result of a mental health issue, but I don't believe that procrastination is a mental health disorder in and of itself.

I plan on doing more research on this matter, because it seems to be something that comes up a lot, and a lot of people struggle with it.

If you are one of the many people who struggle in this or other areas of your life, please don't hesitate to contact me, I may be able to help you or I may be able to refer you to someone better suited to help you.